Almost nine months ago I became a Mommy to a beautiful little girl. A call that I had felt upon my life for a while of being a mom had come forth. A call that is by far the most difficult yet thee most rewarding work i can do for His kingdom. To raise up a radical, crazy Jesus loving little girl, I can’t thank God enough for the privilege.
Two weeks ago, my husband and I decided it was time to begin some sleep training. Here’s a little backstory. Baby girl sleeps with mama and papa. In our bed. Don’t get me wrong. I love it! We both do. We have found it to be so rewarding and have been doing so SAFELY. (Cosleeping AINT for everyone and if you must, PLEASE be aware that it can be dangerous if not done so safely!) However nap time was getting rough. I could not catch a break because I’d literally have to sit by her while she napped. I just needed that 10 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours whatever I could get. (Her naps are CRAZY)
So we decided it was time to get her used to the crib. The first night was a HORROR. She cried and even if I stood over and rubbed her she was just mad and wanted us to pick her up. This went on until we decided she was fine and we were going to just step out for a few. She screamed and screamed. We sat outside the door and I just could not help but cry. I sat there and said I just want to pick my baby up, I need to help her. In that moment, the Lord said to me, “Do you see? You’re trying to teach her that it’s ok in there and that’s what I want to teach you.” I said HUH JESUS?
You see, she was so anxious and just wanted her mama and papa to just rescue her. We in no way wanted to harm her by putting her in there. It’s a safe place, a place of rest. Our ultimate goal was that she would understand that it’s okay in there and that even though she can’t see us, she’s okay.
That’s what the Lord was telling me. There are times we are in a situation and we panic and we cry out to Jesus “Lord, get me the heck out of here! WHERE ARE YOU?!?”..... He is not trying to harm us. Maybe I’m in a place and I just cannot see Him, but I have to know that He is there. I am not alone. I must trust that He will never place me in a place that is of no purpose.
She was crying and I’m sitting outside that door and I wanted to run in and just forget the sleep training and rescue my baby. But than what? Than I’m not teaching her independence and trust. I’m not showing her that although she can’t see me, she’s in a safe place. And we are doing it for her good. Although she’s not in mamas bed, that’s a comfy spot too! Imagine our Father. We’re sitting there whining our booties off and y’all don’t understand.....He does not rejoice in our suffering. He wants to run so bad to get us.
Paul was incarcerated. Locked up with a purpose. He had kingdom work to do but that did not stop him. He remained joyful although his present circumstances were less than promising. God could have saved him at any given moment. But there was purpose.
This is what the Lord wants from us. Steal your joy back. Maybe the place you are in today seems dark and you feel alone. GOD IS THERE. Trust Him when things aren’t going your way. Trust Him when you cannot see Him. Trust that He is still there. Trust that your Father has placed you in a place of PURPOSE. Make the best out of the place you are in. Understand that the Lord just wants to teach you to rely on the fact that you know and believe He is there! It may not be your preferred place but the place you are in is to teach you a new level of trust in your Father. You’re gonna be okay! So today the Lord wants to remind you that He has never forsaken you. Trust even when you cannot see Him.
This is just one of the many crazy revelations I’ve had since becoming a mom. Every thing I go through with Eliza the Lord sits me down and teaches me something different about His love for us as a Father. And the crazy thing is.....It’s only a glimpse. I will never fully comprehend the extravagant love He has for us. It’s too big....
Update on our sleep training journey -
After that first night I began just laying her down every night and rubbing her and if she started to cry I would say “it’s ok baby mamas here go to sleep”. As the days passed I stopped touching her and just stood over her so she could see me. Last night was MAGICAL. I laid that girl down and y’all!!! I went to lay down in our bed and she put herself to sleep within 5 minutes. She knows now that Mama and daddy are there and she’s ok in there even though she can’t see us! HALLELUJAH!!! Y'all keep praying though that she keeps that beautiful and magical trend going! HAHA